Over the past few months, I have been evaluating a lot of the relationships I have in my life, personal and professional relationships. I know that a perfect relationship (if that even is a thing) is never going to be 50/50. In a relationship with anyone, regardless of the type of relationship it is, will never be 50/50. 50/50 meaning each partner in the relationship is going to give and get equally.
In lasting relationships, it is understood that sometimes you may be giving 80% and getting 20% from the relationship. However, you know that at some point you might be getting 80% out of the relationship and giving 20%. What is not acceptable is giving more than 50% to a relationship and your partner(s) always giving less than 50%. If that is the case, it is not a relationship or a team, you are being used.
Let that sink in for a second. If you are always giving more than you get, you are being used. Relationships are never going to be perfectly 50/50, but just like in life you have your peaks and valleys. Sometimes you have to be the rock of the relationship and sometimes you need to lean on someone.
In my life, I was taking inventory of this and noticed I had a handful of relationships that I was giving more than I was getting. I have learned that I can be there. While this sounds great, everyone just assumes that since I always appear to be available that I didn’t have anything plan or had to rework my schedule. When I would pull back a little a few of my partners became resentful, and would use any excuse they could think of to justify their lack of effort.
So what do you do when you in these kinds of relationships? You probably still care for those people and don’t want to be petty and just cut them out. What I suggest and what I have been doing is cutting my attachment and involvement to them. When I notice I’m continually an afterthought to someone, I stop putting their needs ahead of mine. If I am available, I have no problem doing what is asked, but I won’t rearrange my schedule.
When you do this, it has to be they are constantly using you. If there have been times you have leaned on them, and they gave more to you than you gave to them, it’s now your turn to be the rock. You cannot just use someone and then not be there when they need you. Well, you can, but that just makes you an asshole!
Now before you, all start going soft and thinking I am just this great guy who gives more than I take all the time. Far from it. While doing this inventory of my relationships I also looked at the ones I took more than I gave. I evaluated if I could give more and take less or if I should just stop being an ass and also walk away from a relationship where I was taken advantage of someone. Maybe that person was not strong enough or aware of my actions, but if I become aware of it, I feel I should adjust. I am a firm believer in karma. I do not want to piss her off either!
Also whatever you best is for the day you should be giving 100% of that. And you should also be receiving that. Your best is always a sliding scale, why do you think sports players can have the best games of their lives one day and then the next day can’t score to save their life. Is it because they are giving any less? Possibly, but more than likely their best the next day wasn’t as good as their best the day they were lights out. So if your best is 80% today you better be giving 100% of that 80%.
What relationships in your life do you need to reevaluate?